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sekhmet20's Journal  wow. I never post. Things are good/okay. Things are good and I'm just okay. I'm feeling a lot better. I had walking pneumonia a week or two ago and it's taken me a while to get over it. Now i just have a few more days left of antibiotics. I got stuff turned in for school Sunday/Monday but they sucked pretty bad and it was only one step up from getting a zero. I need to make a plan but I've been slugging out the past few days and not getting going until later in the day, if at all. I need to stop watching tv for a while. Being sick was kind of an excuse to and of course, I took it too far. I wonder why I don't have any of these self-regulating personal mechanisms and routines. Getting off topic. So I'm clean and I need to make my grand plan for getting back on track in school, that way I don't have to scrape everything together at the last minute and do a shitty job. That'll involve stress and an excel document. I have an interview for a job I really want in my field in a couple days. I hope it goes well and it'll be good experience no matter what but I'd love to work there. It's so perfect. I don't want to talk about it too much but it's a great opportunity. I'm glad I hopped on the website and noticed it at the right time. What'd I do today...I watched a ton of tv (some good...some bad). Joan of Arcadia (which I think is good), Oprah (useful...people gush too much but she's smart and cool). I also rocked the Wii Fit for a half hour and finally got my Wii connected to the internet so we can get some virtual console games eventually (I kind of want Donkey Kong after seeing that documentary, King of Kongs). Then I hopped into the shower and here I am. Now I get to help make dinner. I'm wild! I'm exciting! I'm a nerd... Current mood:  cheerful.
I've had a busy last couple weeks. I just got engaged last Saturday. My boyfriend tricked me with a nice "early Valentine's Day" dinner, since we're going to a more pricey show on Valentine's Day and then he took me back to his apartment to a living room with flowers and a fire in the fireplace and popped the question. He's awesome, my favorite person, so I'm excited. Half dreading the planning part of it (my mother has just dove in headfirst) and kind of looking forward to it. I noticed I've enjoyed the dress/me stuff a lot more than the wedding stuff. Maybe it's because it's a lot like prom (sorry to demean my wedding that way...but it's all big formal dresses and fancy hair...same diff...just lighter colors). But the other stuff...I finally talked to Sean and told my mom his budget (since I'm broke right now...the amount in my bank account is sad) and she was talking about taking money out of her 401K to add to this. I'm ok with her buying a few of the stupid things she wants but I don't think her taking thousands of dollars out is very intelligent. I guess I'll just keep telling her that I don't want her to repeatedly and maybe she'll listen. I'm okay with her buying the dress and making the cake and having tons of input on decorations but I just want to have a cheap, simple wedding. We'll have tons of people so I have to cut corners with the stuff as much as possible. And everyone wants to help and it's kind of creepy. people who wouldn't normally give a shit about my life want to help because now they get to relive their glory days. It's cool when there's free stuff involved but damn. It's weird. I would never voluntarily subject myself to that crap unless it was a close friend who genuinely needed my help. I started grad school last month and somehow survived the bootcamp week in Tucson. It went well and I managed to get a good grade in the course. I'm still not in the swing of my new classes yet but I think I will be. It sounds weird but I feel like they need to give me more stuff to do so I can stay involved. I'm sure I'll regret saying that later though. I need to get a job and I want to start working on it this week. There's all kinds of stuff I should be doing. I liked learning all the stuff about wine at Bevmo and kind of miss working there but I think I can find a job that pays better and suits me better. I'm going to hit up Barnes and Nobles again and stalk them a little more. I'm also going to look for some more part-time non-retail positions, though those are hard to find. We'll see I guess. So I finally did it. I'm in Tucson going to Library School right now. The first mandatory course it taken alone during one month. The past two weeks were an independent study period and this week we're here in person, from 8 to 5PM every day. Craziness! I didn't really keep up with the reading very well and kind of pulled the first few assignments together at the last minute, because of the holidays and my forty hour work weeks at my seasonal job (which has now ended...bye Bevmo). I only got two hours of sleep before I drove down here but thank to help from Sean and my mom, I kind of got it together. My grandmother's friend has an apartment on the side of her friend's house here that she uses when she's in Tucson and she's letting me use it for the week. It has a small fridge and high speed internet (and a heater...it's really cold and rainy right now). I also stocked up at Trader Joe's which is down the street (they put me in a raffle for a gift card cause I brough reusable bags :)). I'm still not completely together yet or in the mindset/energy level I'd like to have but I'm feeling better gradually. Sleeping nine hours last night really helped a lot with recovery. I still have a couple things to get done before tomorrow but I'm starting to crash so I'll get up early and take care of them. I seem more focused in the morning. The pressure on time helps. BTW, one super good thing about Bevmo is I superlove wine now...anyone else love wine? hurray wine! Beer too...I had the Lindeman's Peche Lambic tonight...it was really sweet but tasty. Christmas is finally over which is nice. I'm doing okay right now...just kind of trying to keep my head afloat, so I haven't been depressed for a while but I have to manage my anxiety a little better (with tools other than prickly pear margaritas). I kind of resolved to bullshit my way through Christmas and try my best not to let anyone else's crappiness bring me down and I ended up having a pretty good Christmas. I got some pretty nice gifts and the ones I got were a appreciated. I got Sean an albino parakeet named Boo. I still have to give one person their present. I had to work seven days in a row going into Christmas and then I had to work yesterday too. I really haven't had time to do much of anything. I haven't done any actual work for school yet, which is kind of scary and I'm in the process of fixing. I've spend part of the afternoon trying to get organized by reading my syllabus and starting to print a few things off. I'm trying to figure out what all I need to do by what time, that way I can see where I'm at with getting things done. That way I can chop it up and get it all done before Saturday, which will be quite a feat at this point. I'll try to write more but I'm kinda crashing right now. I hope everyone had a good holiday. I am the world's biggest wimp/douche. Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've just been psycho-busy with work-which is pretty normal for this job. I'm in the process of making some changes in that area. I put in my notice and my last day at my job is the 28th of this month. I've told my dad but not my mom and I don't have another job lined up yet. I do, however, need to finish my graduate school application, so that's one good part of that and I'm just burnt out at my job. I know no job is perfect but the last few weeks have been really difficult in the verbal abuse department and I know that it's better now but it can easily go back there. I can only imagine what people are like around Christmas time. So I'm trying to get a job in a library right now. I've applied for two positions. One I haven't heard anything from and the other sent me a postcard giving me a website to check for updates and basically telling me that their hiring process takes forever. I'm also gunning for a part-time job, since I'm starting school soon, my health insurance blows anyway (so what's the point), and I'm tired of not having a life. My job is always short-staffed or under-trained or some issue that has to be dealt with. Nothing is ever just okay, because it seems like, between the doctors with crappy work ethics, attitudes, etc. and the bitchy clients, no one wants to work there. I'd rather make less and be less stressed out. So I'm okay-trying to give myself more of a life again here soon. I don't even want to look and see how long it's been since I posted. I've been really busy. I seem to have trouble holding down my current job and maintaining much of a personal life. I'm a receptionist at an animal hospital right now and I've had this job since the end of January. Sean lives in Scottsdale so I see him at least every weekend. I haven't really done much. This past month is when I did my big trips. I went and visited some of my friends in Flag (who probably will disown me soon since I'm so bad at keeping in touch) and saw Ashley graduate and met some of her family from Ohio. I also went to West Virginia with Sean last week to see my brother Jordan graduate from high school. He hasn't been to that part of the country before and it was our first time vacationing together and I had a blast. It was great. We rode my biological dad's neighbor's horse and did some caving with my siblings and one of my uncles. It was super relaxing and I really didn't want to leave but here I am. They had a hammock that Sean was a big fan of too. So I'm back at work, so is he and things are going okay. I just wish I had more time every day to get things done. Between work, work making me tired, and family stuff it's hard to get things done. I did get a jump on my grad school application (only took me six months...I'm definitely a loser). I still have a lot more to do for it but I got a few things started and a doctor's appt schedule to get my immunization paperwork signed...all the gorey details. I'm also getting the chicken pox vaccine then too. Hurray! I have to get two boosters for it which sucks but that's okay. better than actually getting it. So, that's what I'm up to. I want to practice my horn but I haven't sat down with it in quite a while. As for books, right now I'm reading "Born Fighting" by James Webb. It's about the history of the Scot-Irish and their effects on American culture. so I had a fight with the wireless card in this laptop and I totally won. Motherfucker. Take that! Just decided to ditch everything today, because I don't care. Hopefully the TA will take mercy on my poor soul. I'm just really burnt out and have more important fish to fry. We'll see. Now that I've won this battle...off to the coffee shop to write a crappy english paper. woot! Maybe I'll make it to class afterall. we'll see. so fuck thanksgiving. I'm bitching because I can. Due to my mother's lack of foresight and penchant for shopping that would make most spendthrifts cringe...my thanksgiving sucks. the stupid little dog that she got two years ago is in heat and this time, our unneutered boy dog (real smart, right?) is going insane. He won't shut up and we have to keep this separated. So what are the usual excuses for this fucked up situation? "I don't have the money". "I don't have the time". Right. You had time to buy me this laptop, which I didn't really need for like, a year. you had time to buy new patio furtniture and statues. The cost of one of those statues? Yeah...that would have gotten the goddamn dog neutered. Fuck everyone. And my mom is pissed because everyone isn't running around trying to cater her while she shits all over them because she was up with the dog all night. If it weren't for my dad and my grandfather, I would fuckin leave. and I still want to. That is all. Man, I am so exhausted, mentally. I tried to just jump into homework when I got home from work but it just couldn't happen. And now I have to go leave to practice so I can meet my friend at the library and be her study buddy in an hour. I really want to go to Museum Club with my friends tomorrow night but damn...it's really hard. It just never seems like a good week. I'm just going to go and try to limit hanging out to the weekends in the future, because I just don't have enough time for everything and I care a lot more than I used to. I think my problem is that I want to be caught up on everything but I haven't had enough time to do that yet and it's been easier to catch up in just one area. Maybe now that I'm in better shape for finance, I should just blow it off for the weekend and study for business law. I hate doing that, but I think that might be the only way I can do okay in everything this week. I can go study all day Saturday. I've learned that studying Friday nights is usually a no go. I wish today was Friday. I'm not superprepared for my lesson...I think the most I'll be able to prepare is one etude and the rest of that page of solo. Oh well. That's the best I can do right now. She can dock me points or guilt trip me all she wants but that's seriously the best I can do for now. There's only so many hours of the day and only so many people I can please. I hope I do well in my assessments for the rest of the week...not to mention that whole silly work thing. Damn...and the week isn't even halfway over yet. I might not get too much sleep tonight. |
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